Rant...

Ok... this has been happening a lot lately... and quite frankly... it irritates the absolute shit out of me.

When someone is talking everyone listening should keep their effing mouth shut until the person speaking is finished speaking.

Before I expound on this any further, let me give a little background to help explain why I'm so annoyed by this.

As I've said before the porch has been a place of many great times, great conversations, great drinks, great tobacco, etc...

All of my friends would sit on the porch and we'd enjoy each other's company.

We'd all laugh, tell stories, even debate on occasion...

A great example of the type of people I'm talking about is my friend, Mike.

Mike is a well of great stories. He's a great listener. And he understands that when someone is speaking you should respect them enough to listen to what they have to say.

So... now that I've given a bit of background I will continue on with what's irritating me.

A lot (not all... thankfully) of friends have moved away from College Station. These friends, like Mike, knew not to interrupt someone in the middle of telling a story. All (well... most) comments were kept quiet until the person finished with the story... or spoken at an appropriate time. (ie. asking a question about the story to help better understand what's going on)

Lately, however, I'll be in the middle of saying something... and someone will jump in and start talking about something entirely different from what I'm talking about. They will continue to talk... then they'll bring up something that will get someone else to start talking... then someone else... and it goes on and on and on until I feel as if I should not even try to finish saying what ever it was that I was saying.

Furthermore... how can these people (the ones who continuously interrupt) expect others to want to be in their company? Why would I want to talk to someone who isn't even listening to what I have to say?

Granted, they may actually be listening... but continuous interruptions gives the appearance of two things:
1) What's being said isn't important enough to listen to
2) What's being said is not interesting in the least bit and they'd just prefer you to shut up so they can talk.

Both of these things are extremely rude.

Seriously... it's not hard at all to keep your damn mouth shut while someone speaks.

Another thing that's been driving me crazy is that it seems a lot of people don't know how to relax and be laid back.

I understand that I am extremely laid back... so... I'm not expecting everyone to be as laid back as I am... and I understand that not everyone is a laid back type of person.

Wait... I should clarify this statement before continuing.

When hanging out with people... I do not want to discuss politics... I do not want a history lesson on things I could learn in a class room or by reading a history book... I do not want to discuss other non-interesting topics. All I want to do is sit back, relax, talk about completely random things... and by doing these things I am more capable of learning about the person I'm talking to/hanging out with.

Ok... there are exceptions to what I just said. It is ok to talk about politics, history, and other things... so long as it pertains to the discussion at hand.
For instance, if we were talking about something that a brief history lesson would improve the topic, then yes... give a history lesson. But a complete hour-long random history lesson explaining why Texas and Ney York are quite different is... well... not interesting. Randomly bringing up stuff like this and talking on and on and on about it completely destroys the laid back environment and makes me want to take my beer and just go upstairs to my room to get away from the (now) boring experience.

Heated debates on various topics also destroy the laid back environment. I don't want to have someone yelling at me simply because we disagree on why dirt is brown. (ok.. so i've never been in or listened to a heated debate on why dirt is brown. But I have participated in and listened to a few that are almost as stupid as arguing about the color of dirt)

Life is already hard enough as it is... there's no need to make it more difficult by being so wound-up and uptight about everything.

R.E.L.A.X.

So yes, I understand that not everyone is laid back... but that's not really necessary to follow what I've laid out above.

Anyways... I could probably go on and on about this for another hour or so... but I'll spare you all (and my fingertips).

I just wish there were more people here who know how to relax, have a good time, and enjoy each other's company.

I came upon this video the other day and I thought you guys might like it.

This guy is amazing!

He plays all of the Mario music. Well... I don't know about the N64 game... or any Mario based game after the one for the Super Nintendo... but just watching this guy's hands move is astounding. I wish I could play the piano half as well as this guy.

The video is a bit long... but I definitely recommend watching all of it.

Enjoy.

Midget For Sale?

I've put many hours of serious thought into this... and I've come to the conclusion that I really really really desperately want to purchase a midget.

Seriously...

How awesome would this be?

Of course naming it would be the most important part of owning your own personal midget.

A good name is essential. A well named midget shows peers that this midget's owner is a loving, kind owner but one that will not put up with any shit.

For instance if I were to name my midget a normal person name... such as "Jeff" or "Matthew" people would then think that this midget's owner is trying to make the midget out to be an actual person.

On the other hand, if it is given a name like "Rupert Hotchkiss" or "Lil' Prat McGee" it shows others that this midget's owner realizes that it is only a possession and not a real person.

Once a proper name has been established the next step is training the midget.

Strict training will then teach the midget how to:
1) Fetch a beer for it's master
2) Cook it's master any dish
3) Do it's master's homework
4) Clean it's master's house
5) Do all of it's master's shopping
6) And the list is pretty much endless

Once the midget has been properly disciplined the next step is to make sure your midget knows its place. In doing so the midget will never run off and leave. The midget will never back talk (which if it has been trained properly it will know that it should never open its mouth except to eat) and always do what it is told.

Once your midget has gone through the above process it will be ready to be taken out in public. And if you have a really good midget it will be able to pull you on a rickshaw (one of those Chinese bicycle-taxi things).

Every once in a while (depending on how well the training process went) the midget may try to run off when allowed out into the wild (aka: public). Therefore, it is best to purchase a harness and a leash. That way there is no need to worry about your midget trying to run away.

Feeding your midget should be a rather simple task. All that is needed is a bowl of leftovers (the older the better... I hear they like it that way) and a bowl of water. Just be sure to fill these bowls up at least once a week and the midget should be fine.

So... now that we see that raising, training, and maintaining a midget isn't all the much work... I have decided to search eBay and other various websites to see about purchasing a midget of my very own.

This Is Amazing

I hate most forwarded emails... but every once in a while I'll receive one that is worth passing along. The problem I have is... I'm not sure who will get a good laugh at it and who will think it's stupid.

So... instead of cluttering everyone's inbox with a forward, I'll just post the email in here. That way if you like it, cool... if not, cool.

Ok, so here's the email:

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. And she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know that she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.






Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"



Asshole






Bitch






FUCK YOU -- YOU NEANDERTHAL!






Go drink some tea - whore.






(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one

Shopping For Beer

Every time I go to buy beer I run into the same problem. I end up standing in front of the beer for about 10 minutes... just staring... trying to figure out which one to buy.

Do I buy a beer I haven't had in a long time?

Do I buy a beer that I know I enjoy?

If so... which beer?

Or do I take the brave option and buy a beer that I have never had before?

For some reason I can never just go into the store and grab a 6 pack/case of beer... it's like I'm trying to make some life or death decision.

Actually... come to think of it... I guess it is a life or death situation. I mean... how many people do you know who say "I hate beer." yet all they've ever had to drink is Bud Light?

Getting the right beer is just as important, nay, more important than getting the right woman to marry you. (Thankfully... I've found the right woman. Svetlana... and she says she likes all kinds of beers... so I'm all set.) If you choose the wrong beer... you may never want to drink beer again.

For instance... when I drank that $0.88 can of Mickey's... I never wanted to touch another beer. But then... I remembered how totally amazing other beers are... so I rushed off to the store and bought a good beer to wash that nasty taste out of my mouth.

So... although it takes me a long time to pick out my beer... at least I know that I'll be drinking good that night.

Shcool!

First, let me inform you all that I do know I didn't spell the title correctly. I've done so on purpose.

Well... Svetlana is still doing alright (considering she may be made into a prostitute if I do not marry her soon).

But that's all I'll say about my soon-to-be wife for now.


***EDITED FOR ASSASSINS*
(Original post will be put back soon)

I think our country should realize that we were meant to be nocturnal beings. That would be awesome. We wouldn't have to wake up until 1200. Ahh... if I ever rule my own country... I'm making a law that states no work shall be done before noon.

I'm Engaged!

Well... it's been a few days since I've updated. However, there is a good explanation as to why that is.

You see, I have been communicating with my fiancé. (That's her to the left)

She's in Russia right now. Her name is Svetlana. I don't really know how to pronounce that... but that's not important. Her English isn't all that great... but as I said a moment ago... that's not important. She says she's a hard worker... so I'm sure she'll pick the language up in no time.

She's 18 years old, 155 cm tall, she weighs 55 kg, and she's really excited about finally leaving Russia and moving over here to America.

All that's really important is that we love each other.

I don't really know all that much about her... however I am a bit worried about her at the moment. She has informed me that her mafia boss dad wants to start prostituting her out for a little extra spending money... so the sooner we can get her over to America and get married the better.

We're hoping for sometime in the next month or so.

I'll post more information on here as I get it.

Neither of us have a lot of money... so keep checking out the blog for the mass invitation.

I hope to see all of you there.

And now... I must go to sleep. (school starts bright and early tomorrow at 1325)

Pokemon Rocks My Socks Off!!!

Here she is...
The world's newest redneck... I mean country music singer.

Watch her AWESOME music video!

Way to go mom and dad!
What were ya'll thinking when you decided to let your daughter do this?

Don't worry, mom and dad... when your little angel is in high school and her "friends" find this video... they won't make fun of her for being the biggest loser in the school.

Now... I like Pokemon... and if my future kid(s) get ahold of my Gameboy games and end up becoming the world's biggest Pokemon fan... I would be perfectly fine with that.

BUT

If my kid came up to me with his/her Pikachu guitar and says "Daddy daddy! Come watch me sing!" and proceeded to do what this girl did... I think I'd have to look my kid in his/her eyes and say "If you ever attempt to do something that gay ever again... I'm going to beat the shit out of you. Now go to your room. Oh, and you're not getting dinner tonight. That way you can think of different ways not to be gay. Now go!"


You know... people wonder why they get made fun of in high school. Sometimes it's brought upon by that person's stupidity... but sometimes... I'm going to have to pass the blame to the kid's parents.
For instance:
The boy who wears a Barbie t-shirt to school. He's going to get made fun of... and may even get his ass kicked. I can't say it's the boy's fault... because at home it might be acceptable for him to parade around wearing girl's t-shirts... so I'd have to blame the parents for this kid's misfortune. They should never have allowed him to walk out the front door wearing that.

Anyways... once (read: if) I become a dad... my kid is not going to get made fun of because of me. I'm going to teach him common sense. I'll teach him that it's not ok to do things that will bring heartache upon himself. (like singing the Pokemon theme song in front of a camera because he thinks it makes him cool)

I should write a book on parenting skills. If people would read and follow it... I think the world might end up being a better place.

Hmm... I'll have to start thinking about this. I might even turn it into a post.

Stolen From Luverly

Random Questions

* Nervous Habits:
I play with my fingers... my rings... and I smile a lot.

* Can you roll your tongue?
You know I can... nyugguh! RRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

* Can you raise one eyebrow at a time?
I sho' can, boss.

* Tattoos?
Yep. Two of them.
And I want to add a little to the one on my right shoulder... I want to make it a bit bigger.

* Piercings and where?
Nope.
But if I was going to pierce anything... I'd have to get my butt cheek pierced. Seriously... not many people have a butt cheek piercing.

* Do you make your bed daily?
Do I...
Are you serious?
No way.
I throw some sheets and a blanket on the bed... when I wake up, they are thrown in a ball at the foot of the bed... and when I go to bed the next night, I just grab the ball at the foot of the bed, unroll it, and pull it over me.

CLOTHES

* Which shoe goes on first?
I have not a clue.

* Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone?
Umm... not that I can remember.

* On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet?
On average... I'd say I carry about zero dollars. I just use my check card.
That way... when a bum asks me for money... I can honestly look at him/her and regretfully say "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't have any cash."

* What jewelry do you wear 24/7?
My rings and my necklace.

* Favorite article of clothing?
Jeans. I love jeans.

FOOD

* Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
I twirl it.

* Have you ever eaten Spam?
Not only have I eaten it... but I actually like it on occasion. It works great for camping.

* Favorite ice cream flavor?
Pralines and Cream and Coffee. That's about the only 2 ice cream flavors I'll buy.
Then again... I'm not a huge ice cream fan. 1 pint will last me at least a week.
It's to effing cold.

* How many cereals in your cabinet?
Zero.
If I buy cereal... that means I'd have to buy milk. And when I buy milk... it goes bad before I finish using it. (and I only buy the 1/2 gallon)
In other words... I'm not a huge fan of drinking milk.

* What's your favorite beverage?
Beer.

* What's your favorite restaurant?
I don't know... Cracker Barrel? Maybe. I don't know if I have a favorite. I like most of them.

* Do you cook?
Only when there is no other option.
It's not that I don't like cooking... it's just that I don't like taking the time to cook.

GROOMING

* How often do you brush your teeth?
At least once a day.

* Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair?
Yes. I dyed it blonde... and I tried to put blue highlights in... but I didn't leave the dye in long enough because I was in a hurry and rushed for time.

* Do you swear?
Every damn day.
(How this fits into grooming I doubt I'll ever know)

* Do you ever spit?
I sho' does.
(and I don't see how this falls under the category of "grooming" either)

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE

* Animal?
Umm... a skunk.
Actually... I want a pet skunk.
**not very well known fact**
I actually sort of like the way skunks smell. :)

* Food?
Pizza

* Month?
As long as it's a warm/hot month I like it.
I absolutely hate the winter months.

* Day?
Any day that I don't have to go to class.

* Favorite Cartoon Character?
Eric Cartman

* Shoe Brand?
I don't wear shoes... I wear boots.
And so far... I really like the GBX boots. The last pair I owned lasted me a little over 5 years. That's why I bought an identical pair... and that's what I wear now.

* Subject in school?
So far it has been philosophy.

* Color?
Black.

* TV show?
South Park... but there are many tv shows that I like... except... most of the ones I like are no longer aired on tv. (Thank you P2P)

IN AND AROUND ROOM

* The CD player?
AKA: My computer.

* Person you talk most on the phone with?
My sister. Well... she's the one person I talk the longest to. I probably have more phone calls to/from my brother... but our conversations last about 2 minutes. (gotta love guy conversations)

* Ever taken a cab?
I have. I've even been so drunk that I got in the cab... got to my hotel... remember picking up someone's $5 that fell on my chest, which someone thought was my payment so I didn't end up paying for the ride... and... that's about all I remember about that cab ride. I don't even remember getting in the cab or leaving the cab... or getting in the hotel... or leaving the bar. Wow... I forgot about that story.

* What color is your bedroom?
It is now blue and black. (Thank you Andy)

* Do you use an alarm clock?
The one on my phone.

* What's your sleeping position?
95% of the time I cannot fall asleep unless I'm on my stomach with my arms over the pillow and my head resting on my arms. But once I'm asleep, I'll reposition into all sorts of weird poses.

* Even in hot weather do you use a blanket?
I'll have a blanket rolled up at the foot of the bed... which I stick my feet under to keep them warm. Other than that, I won't cover up with anything.

* Do you sleepwalk?
Not since I was a wee lad.

* Do you talk in your sleep?
Not that I know of.
Then again... I've never stayed up all night to see if I do.

* Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
What kind of a perv do you take me for?!?!? Of course I don't sleep with...
...
Oh...
... right.

No, I do not sleep with a stuffed animal.

* How about with the light on?
I can... but I would rather have it off.

* Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio?
Both, actually. I'll fall asleep with the tv under my left arm and the radio under my right arm.
No... I do not usually sleep with the radio/tv on.

My Pez Collection

As most of my readers know... I have been collecting Pez dispensers since 1995.

I finally decided to make a photo album of my collection so that I would be able to remember which dispensers I do and don't have.

I couldn't tell you guys how many times I've been in a store with a Pez dispenser in my hand while thinking to myself "Do I already have this one?"

So now... all I have to do is go to the album (which can be viewed here) and no longer will I have this problem.

I have over 250 of these. Actually... I have close to 300... but a lot of them are repeats.

The reason for repeats is because for Christmas, Easter, and Valentines Day I receive many of these holiday Pez.

So... if any of you are ever at a store that sells Pez... and if you feel like helping my collection grow... feel free to buy the ones I don't already have and hook a nigga up.

And that, my friends, is all there is for now.

And People Thought We Were Just Being Paranoid

Ok...

One argument given against gay marriages is that if we allow this to happen... it won't be llong before people start wanting to marry their pets or other various animals.

I've also heard people say that this is just stupid because no one would want to marry an animal.

And to that... I'd say... check out this article.

The woman married a dolphin. (by the way... the photo is not of the "bride"... it's just coincidental that I found that image)

As ridiculous as this is... I found the very last line of the article to be quite humorous:
"I made a dream come true. And I am not a pervert."

Yeah... sure... you're not a perv.
No really... I believe you.
Honest.
Really.
No... you're not a perv.

Today's the day...

In just a few hours (@1045) I will have 3 of my teeth ripped out of my jaw. Thank God for modern medicine.

Let us take this time to thank all those cute, fuzzy, little animals who, not so willingly, sacrificed their lives so that we can know that our medicines won't kill us humans.

Thank you little rabbit.
Thank you little monkey.
Thank you little mouse.

And thanks to all others whom I may have forgotten.

Since we're on the subject of animals...
Let us take this time to thank all those animals who give their yummy flesh to us so that we can have a tasty meal.

Thank you Mrs. Cow.
Thank you Mrs. Chicken.
Thank you Mrs. Pig.
Thank you Mr. Fish.
Thank you Mr. Squirrel
And Thank you to all others whom I have forgotten.

And now... my shoulder is killing me... so I think I may get off the computer. Well... probably not... but I'm done typing.

It Smells Like Updawg In Here

What's updawg?

OOOOHHHHH!!! What's up, Dawg!?!?!?

Ok... lame joke is now over.

Wow... it's been forever since I updated.

The reason for the lack of updates is because of Guild Wars. This game rocks... and needless to say... it's quite addicting. The game is similar to Dungeon Siege... but in my opinion... I'm liking it much more. The only thing I dislike about it is the movement of the character and camera angle. I wish it were more like Dungeon Siege. However, the game is so awesome that I can easily overlook this little problem.

I'm afraid that once I get back to College Station that I won't be able to play this game. As everyone knows, our intergay connection at the house is sometimes slower than dial-up... or it just doesn't work. Once again, I'll see if we can pay $10 extra a month and switch to DSL. But since I'm the only loser in our house who spends most of his time online... I'm the only person who really sees the problem(s) with the connection.

Anyways... I have other news. Wednesday (tomorrow) I am getting my wisdom teeth pulled. Let me tell you how unexcited I am about this.

Thankfully I only have 3 wisdom teeth in my mouth. One of them decided not to form. I wish the other 3 would've taken the missing one's lead.

I want to look at the upside to this... I did get some 20 pills of Vicodin out of the deal. So... if in the next few days I make a post or two that doesn't make any sense... I'm blaming the Vicodin.

School starts on the 17th. I'm really excited about this next semester. Laura Soon-to-be-Bartus is leaving her A&M parking pass in my car... which means I will hopefully be spending quite a few amount of hours in the library with my friend Mike. After a few hours of staring at a book... it's always nice to have someone there to offer a distraction. My goal for this semester is to get all "A's". I have never managed to do this before... but we shall see.

I'll be taking:
Philosophy of Religion
Ethics
One of the remedial math courses
Public Speaking and
Creative Writing

With these classes... I think all "A's" is quite within my grasp. All I must do is force myself to go to the library instead of playing video games and watching movies.

And I'm finially going to apply for A&M. So... this summer, hopefully, I'll be an Aggie instead of a Blinndergartner. But no need to worry... the School Spirit Nazis will not be able to influence me. I could honestly care less about school tradition. Hey... if the Marine Corps couldn't get me motivated about their crazy traditions... I doubt A&M will be able to get my psyched about theirs.

And now... I'm out of things to talk about. Well... actually... I could probably continue to type for quite some time... but I really don't want to. Guild Wars is calling for me again... so I must answer.