Diapers

As I've spent the past week with my new niece and nephew I received a brilliant idea. I don't know why I have never thought about this before.

Diapers.

I'm going to start wearing them. Seriously. How many times have you been driving down the road, grabbing your crotch and thinking to yourself "Where's the closest gas station!?!?!? I'm about to pee myself!!!"

See... if you're wearing a diaper... problem solved.

Or... even worse... have you ever been driving... you release some pressure in your "gas tank" only to realize that if you don't stop at a toilet ASAP you're going to have green-apple-splatters in your pants? Well... again... if you're wearing a diaper you can just "let loose" and no worries.

Hmm... now I'll just have to find someone who'd be willing to change the diaper for me...

I'm an Uncle

Today, around 10 in the a.m., I became Uncle Nathan. For those who don't know, my sister-in-law gave birth to twins. A boy (Samuel) and a girl (Kaylee). They are the cutests babies in the world.

They're both healthy, and Wanda's doing fine. My dad and I are going to go back up to the hospital later today.

Now I just need to wait a bit longer... I'm hoping Samuel's first word will be "nigga" and Kaylee's first word will be "pwease"... that way I can get Samuel to say his first and Kaylee after him... to get the full "nigga pwease". It will be awesome.

Alright, that's all for now.

I'm not an effing Eskimo!

This weather sucks.

I hate it.

Seriously... I did not move back to Texas so I could freeze to death. If I wanted to freeze off my... unmentionables... I would've stayed up north. This cold needs to find its way up to Yankee land where it belongs.

This arctic air cuts straight to the marrow. It attacks my joints like sharp, pointy knives. It's miserable. There is no other way to describe it.

I'm not sure which I dislike more... the cold, or this time of year. I don't know why... but each year, for the past... I don't remember how long... this time of year leaves me with a weight in my chest that doesn't leave until the sun brings forth its delightful heat once more. I don't really know how to explain the feeling I receive starting around mid September. I just know that I don't like it.

On to a completely different subject...
I have been doing much thinking... and I have come to a conclusion.
As you know, I have been thinking of pursuing a job with the US Postal Service. It would pay great... and it would provide me with excellent benefits... however, if I were to take a job (no matter what the job was) that paid well and offered good benefits... I would feel completely trapped. Let me explain.

If I had a wife, I would have no problems with taking a job with the USPS. It would still be possible for me to attain a degree, if I so desired... but the process would take years to complete. And... if I were to be tied down, then I wouldn't care about not having a degree.

The problem lies in the fact that I'm not tied down. If I were to get a job that paid really really really well I would have a hard time ever doing anything else. Like I said a moment ago... I'd feel trapped. True... each year I'd gain an additional $50,000 (more or less)... which would be really nice. This would cause me not to consider quitting... since I'd already have the job secured in my grasp.

Now, if I don't get a job with the USPS... and I start going back to school and get my degree in psychology... then get a Masters (and/or PhD) in Criminal Psychology or Abnormal Psychology... then several years down the road I would have a job that I would enjoy much more than driving a mail truck around all day... every day... day after day after day... and... I'd have the potential to make twice what I'd be making at the post office. Plus... Dr. Harbison has a nice ring to it.

So... I have decided to try and get into Texas State in the spring. If, however, I do not get accepted, then I will attempt the job with the post office.

This means that in a few months, I may be moving to (or near) San Marcos. I know that I could live at home and go to school... but the fact is... I'm 25 (soon to be 26). And living at home at the age of 25 after living away from home for the past 7 (almost 8) years is... well... it's weird.

I hope that all made sense. If not... to bad. It made sense in my head.

Are you ready???

HAHAHAHAHA...
I just thought that was funny.

You know what the two biggest problems I found with it though?
1) The raptured people's clothes should've been neatly folded after they were raptured.
2) There was no rapture-hatch installed... so they all should've been stuck to the ceiling.

Awesome...

Yesterday was an interesting day.

It started off... well... seeing as how I never went to bed the night before, yesterday started at midnight.

Anyways, yesterday, around 8:30 in the a.m. I decided to get my 1 1/2 days worth of a paycheck that I could've (should've) picked up over a month ago. So I called the place that holds the paychecks and ask for directions. I'd been there before but that was a year or two ago. The woman gives me directions and I get in my car...

I do like the woman says... I went down 35, took the Taylor/Hutto exit, took a u-turn at the light... took a left at the next light... then never saw a Sonic or YMCA...

So I pull over and call my dad to see if he can help me with directions. He wasn't at a computer so I called my brother. However, at the time he was also no where near a computer. So I decided to try and find something to eat and then wait for Christopher to call me back with directions.

So I turn around and head back the direction I came... took a right back onto the access road... and took a right at that light instead of taking a u-turn. Once I made it to the next stoplight I realized where I was. So I took a left... saw the Sonic and the YMCA and then the place I was looking for on my left.

So... I'm guessing the woman said at the light "you turn"... however, I swear the woman said u-turn at the light. Whatever. I got my check and went home. (after eating at Sonic)

By 10 in the a.m. I start mowing the yard. 5 hours later I finally finished both the front and back yard, trimming the tree in the front, edging the lawn, and pulling an entire basket full of sticker plants out of the back yard. Why did it take so long? Because the grass in the back was higher than my knees and my dad likes the yard to be mowed using the catch-bag. Which meant that every few passes I had to take the bag off and empty it into one of those large lawn bags.

Once I finish I decide to take a bath since I'm covered in cut grass, dirt, and sweat. I went upstairs and took my shirt off... my shoulders looked exceptionally dirty... once I finished bathing I looked at my shoulders... yeah... they're sunburned. They weren't dark due to dirt. Well... they were dirty... but the burn's pretty dark. :) However, the burn actually doesn't hurt all too badly. And I'm thankful for that.

The End.

Just Call Me Scrooge

I realize that I'm probably in a very small minority on this... but what they hay... I'll post it anyway.

This is something I think about all the time... but today I was really annoyed by it. My mom, my sister, and I went to Cracker Barrel to eat dinner tonight. And for those of you who have ever been to a Cracker Barrel know that they have a sort of old fashioned General Store in front of the restaurant. Year round, the merchandise changes with the holiday seasons.

So... today the place was decked out in both Halloween and Christmas stuff to buy. Now, the point of this post is to state the fact that I hate holiday decorations. Not just Christmas or Halloween decorations... I'm talking about all of the holiday decorations. I can't stand it. I'm not really sure why... I just don't.

Every year I see people's houses or places of business filled with Valentine, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc... decorations... and... I just want to tear it down.

Of course... I would never do that... since it's not mine.

But when I had my own apartment, it was never decorated. It would drive my mom insane that I didn't want a Christmas tree at Christmas or a Thanksgiving welcome mat for the month of November.

I don't know... maybe it's because 99% of the decorations have nothing to do with the purpose of the holiday. Either way... I'd be much happier if there were no holiday decorations. I know what the day is without needing to be reminded by my surroundings.

Unfortunately... if I get married... my wife will most likely deck the walls with that crap. Well... I need not worry about that for now.

I don't really know why I felt like posting this... but... whatever. :)

ESCAPED SHNORKLICKLE!

I thought I should advise everyone that just a few moments ago a Shnorklickle escaped from a testing facility in the Austin area.

The Shnorklickle is a very dangerous beast. Its diet is comprised of clothing and rubber. This causes a problem because this foul beast will stop at nothing to get at your clothing. It will injure (and most likely kill) anyone wearing clothes. Scientists say that the only way to prevent the Shnorklickle from killing you to get at your clothes is to do your daily activities in the buff.

So, be sure to run around in your birthday suit until this monster can be recaptured.

I happened to see this little demon just a few minutes ago. It was attacking one of the trouble-makers that roam our neighborhood in the wee hours of the morning. Thankfully I was butt-ass naked at the time... otherwise I would've been the beast's next victim.

Why was I naked? Well... you see... what happened was... I had a few drinks... and I stepped in an ant bed. I noticed the ants all over me the moment they started to sting me. So... I stripped down. And not a moment too soon! It pains me to think that I could've been the escaped Shnorklickle's next meal.

Be careful where you go and what you do tomorrow... and be sure to run around naked. It's the only way to be safe.