Guilty

I read an article about billboards containing images of scantily clad women distracting drivers.

Well... I must say... I'm guilty of this.
I was returning to my house after my brother's wedding. Traffic was stop-and-go (as is usual at this particular area) but I was managing to keep myself from rear-ending the large, white van in front of me. Until I saw the billboard for one of the tanning places. The two ginormous boobs caught my eye... I looked for a moment... then I noticed a large, white object out of the corner of my eye. I looked back at the road and found that I was seconds away from plowing into that large, white van. However, I managed to slam on my breaks just in time.

This makes me wonder... if I would've rear-ended that van... could I have sued the tanning company for distracting me?

Anyways... I'll probably make another post later today... as for now, I'm going to finish reading Alice In Wonderland.

Conversion Story

Seeing as how every real Christian needs a good conversion story, I’ve decided to post mine. I mean… without a good conversion story how would any other Christian know that I am truly a believer?

So here goes:

By the age of 3 I was already smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes and drinking a case and a half of beer every day. Of course, the smoking led to much harder drugs and the drinking turned me into an alcoholic.

On my sixth birthday my dad gave me a pound of weed to share with all my other un-saved friends. In only two days all the weed was smoked up. A few years later I realized that I needed something more.

Age 11 I turned from smoking pot to snorting coke. Well, I still smoked weed on occasion, and of course I continued smoking the cigarettes. The case and a half of beer had now escalated to two and a half cases a day.

Once I turned 14 I needed money to support my drug habit… especially since I had added heroin to my list of drug addictions. So I started stealing random things from random stores and/or random people. You know… cars, babies, kidneys… and sold them on the black market. Except for the babies. I sold them on eBay.

Shortly after turning 16 I joined three different gangs. Everyone loved me because I had no mercy. I would kill anyone or anything that stood in my way. I did what I wanted… when I wanted. (That’s why I no longer have any parents… I shot my birth-parents in their sleep and slit the throats of my next three foster-families)

I received the Harry Potter books for my 18^th birthday. After I finished reading the books I decided that I would kill exactly six hundred sixty-six people as a sacrifice to show “You Know Who” that I was truly devoted to him.

By the age of 20 I was not only smoking five packs of cigarettes a day, but I was also smoking 27 joints a day, smoking 5 crack-rocks a day, snorting two handfuls of coke a day, injecting over 500 cc’s of heroin each day AND drinking 6 ½ cases of beer each day.

Then one day a few years ago I walked into the bathroom at the local gas station. On top of the toilet I found a Chick-Tract. After reading the tract I realized something very valuable. I learned that I was on the fast track to… *whispers* “H” “E” “Double-Hokey sticks”!!!

There was only one thing for me to do… I had to… Let go… and… let God.

Once I let go and just let God… my entire life changed. I instantly gave up my murderous, drug and alcohol-filled lifestyle and from that moment on I have always been happy. Everything always magically works out for me. I prayed the Prayer of Jabez and God gave me seven and a half million dollars. (and a Thank You card for “joining the good side”) Of course I had to tithe from this money... so I gave 15% instead of the 10% that weaker "Christians" give.

So… if ever any of you weak “Christians” ever want to question my faith… you can read this conversion story and know that I not only learned to let go and let God… but I also got saved!

There's more to life than this...

Seeing as how my roommate just went to bed... I'm going to make this post sort of short. (I think)

As usual… it’s late… and I’ve got more on my mind that I would like. Many times I wish I had an on/off switch for my brain.

Kid Rock says in Only God Knows Why:

”Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this...”

And lately… that’s what’s been on my mind. Every day… same thing. The daily routine is driving me crazy. Every day I go to class, eat, sleep, type on the computer… so… yeah… there’s got to be more to life than this. Often I feel as if I’m just taking up space in this enormous universe.

Once I think I’ve got everything figured out… things change and nothing makes sense to me any more. Hopefully one day I’ll have a better understanding of life and the things that happen during this life.

And I’m not going to go into this any further at the moment. I’m tired and want to go to bed.

But of course, I’m going to continue typing instead of sleeping.

And since I don’t really want to expose my thoughts at the moment, I’ll give an update of this past weekend.

Thanksgiving was… different. Ashley and Mike wasn’t with us… my grandpa wasn’t with us… Christopher and Wanda wasn’t with us… the only people who ate Thanksgiving lunch was me, my dad, my mom, and my grandma.

Sometime after we ate, my grandma went back to her house… then Christopher and Wanda showed up for dinner.

Usually my aunt and cousins visit us over Thanksgiving… but this year they did not.

So yeah… our Thanksgiving gathering was much smaller than usual.

The rest of the weekend was spent playing Halo 2 with Luke, Christopher and Wanda. I love that game. I’m not all that good… but it’s still fun… and it’s always fun hanging around friends and family.

I made it back into town at 0045… then I cleaned my room until almost 0300… then I hooked the computer back up.

And that’s all for now.

So much for keeping this short.

Explanation

First let me say welcome to all who will actually read this. I'll try my best to update it often.

As for my first post, I guess I should explain the title of my blog. While listening to Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd these words stuck in my head:

"I can'’t explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb."

I'll go ahead and break this down per line:
First line... I feel that many times I do a terrible job of explaining exactly what I'm thinking/feeling... therefore, most people do not truly understand.

Second line... I have a hard time letting people see the true me. I fear letting people get too close to me, so I keep them at a distance. I don't typically open up and tell people exactly what's on my mind. I do to a point... but rarely have I actually opened my mind/emotions up to others. My mom put it best... after my grandfather died, my aunt mentioned something about how she was worried about the way everyone was taking Paw Paw's death (he was the first death we've had in our family). My mom told her that she was worried about how I was taking it because no one knows exactly what I'm thinking/feeling unless I want them to know what I'm thinking/feeling. I guess it's a defense mechanism I've developed over the years. I mean... people can't hurt you if they don't even know who you are, right?

Third line... as you can see, I've added a few words to my title. I'm not "comfortably numb"... I have numbed myself to what I will allow myself to feel... but I wouldn't exactly call it "comfortable". To be quite honest... sometimes... it sucks. I wish I could just say exactly what I am thinking and feeling... without fear of being hurt by it later.

So... that explains the title and part of the reason of starting a blog. I'm hoping to just sit and type until I no longer have words to type. But who knows... this blog may die out shortly after starting it. We shall see.