Midget For Sale?

I've put many hours of serious thought into this... and I've come to the conclusion that I really really really desperately want to purchase a midget.

Seriously...

How awesome would this be?

Of course naming it would be the most important part of owning your own personal midget.

A good name is essential. A well named midget shows peers that this midget's owner is a loving, kind owner but one that will not put up with any shit.

For instance if I were to name my midget a normal person name... such as "Jeff" or "Matthew" people would then think that this midget's owner is trying to make the midget out to be an actual person.

On the other hand, if it is given a name like "Rupert Hotchkiss" or "Lil' Prat McGee" it shows others that this midget's owner realizes that it is only a possession and not a real person.

Once a proper name has been established the next step is training the midget.

Strict training will then teach the midget how to:
1) Fetch a beer for it's master
2) Cook it's master any dish
3) Do it's master's homework
4) Clean it's master's house
5) Do all of it's master's shopping
6) And the list is pretty much endless

Once the midget has been properly disciplined the next step is to make sure your midget knows its place. In doing so the midget will never run off and leave. The midget will never back talk (which if it has been trained properly it will know that it should never open its mouth except to eat) and always do what it is told.

Once your midget has gone through the above process it will be ready to be taken out in public. And if you have a really good midget it will be able to pull you on a rickshaw (one of those Chinese bicycle-taxi things).

Every once in a while (depending on how well the training process went) the midget may try to run off when allowed out into the wild (aka: public). Therefore, it is best to purchase a harness and a leash. That way there is no need to worry about your midget trying to run away.

Feeding your midget should be a rather simple task. All that is needed is a bowl of leftovers (the older the better... I hear they like it that way) and a bowl of water. Just be sure to fill these bowls up at least once a week and the midget should be fine.

So... now that we see that raising, training, and maintaining a midget isn't all the much work... I have decided to search eBay and other various websites to see about purchasing a midget of my very own.