Got Any Ideas?

There are a few reasons as to why I have not been updating this thing as often as I used to.

One reason being I've been busy with school. I say I've been procrastinating a bit... which is true... but I have actually been keeping up with my studies more so than in the past.

Also, my life isn't all that interesting at the moment. School... sleep... eat... potty... smoke... drink... I think that just about sums up my week. Like I said... it's not all that interesting.

Another reason I haven't been updating as often is because my brain is dead at the moment. I have run out of ideas.

Therefore, this post is inviting ideas as to what I should type about.
If there's anything in particular you'd like to read my ideas on... or if there's anything about me that you might want to know... or if there's any kind of story you'd like me to write... please comment about it. The more ideas I have the better.

I cannot promise that I will actually write about each suggestion... but I will do what I can with what is given to me.

Difficult Questions

Life is full of perplexing questions.

Over the years, I have noticed that men are the ones who suffer most from these deep questions.

Women, on the other hand, do not have to deal with these questions.

I wonder why that is...

Anyway...

These most difficult questions are many:

Why don't I bathe?
Why do I play video games instead of doing my homework?
Why do I just rinse my dishes off rather than wash them?
Why does my poop smell so bad?
Why do I wear the same pair of jeans for three weeks straight?
Why do I sniff my fingers after scratching smelly parts of my body?
Why do I clean my ears with my fingernails rather than a Q-Tip?
Why do I perfer peeing outside rather than in the toilet?
Why doesn't she like my back hair?
Why did I fall in love with a prostitute?

And the list goes on.

Please feel free to share any similar questions that you may have.

Maybe, with enough of us trying to figure them out, we can give each other the answers we so desperately desire.

The Ant and the Grasshopper

Almost all of us have heard this story before:

The ant works his ass off in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and storing supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper, on the other hand, has no food or shelter... so he dies outside in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

However, most people have not heard the modern day's version of this story... so I will post it here:

The ant works his ass of in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

Needles to say, the ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in (which just so happens to be the ant's old house) crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican

Love...

Love... a concept which brings about a mixture of emotions.

Love... when mentioned, some fear it. Some long for it. Others cherish it, while others despise it.

Unce upon a time, I did not believe in love. To me it did not exist. I never thought I would ever find that special someone.

However, over the past month or so I have been proven wrong. Daily my love grows for this most special woman. She is so amazing. More amazing than I ever thought a woman could be.

She's beautiful. She's smart. She's funny. She loves to cook. She loves to clean. And the best part about her is that she only costs $3000.

That's right, I'm speaking of my beautiful Svetlana.

We will be getting married in a relatively short while. I only need to raise another $2500. Thus I am writing this update. If everyone who reads this post would send me a few dollars that would be great. You would be helping me and my true love finally meet. Not only will you be helping us to meet, but you will also be helping to save her from her evil father's enslavement. Lest ye have forgotten, her evil father wants to prostitute my sweet Svetlana out to get a little extra spending money.

This cannot happen!

Please! Send me some money so I can bring my sweet baby over to the states so we can get married... and so she won't have to become a prostitute.

After all... who wants to marry a woman with "damaged goods"?

Help me. Help her. Help me help her. I beg of you.

I cannot bare the thought of what might happen if I cannot bring my darling Svetlana to the states. If I cannot get her over here... that would mean that I'd have to do my own laundry. I'd have to cook my own meals. I'd have to clean up my messes. Oh... right... and she'll become a prostitute.

Oh the pain! The agony!

I must fly my charming Svetlana to the states.

I cannot wait to finally meet her... and marry her.

Bliss... pure bliss.



Oh, by the way...
It wasn't food poisoning.
I just had a bad case of the farts.

I Hate This Kind of BS

In case some of you haven't heard about this yet, Ray Nagin (the Mayor of New Orleans) said this in a speach on MLK day:

"I don't care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day," he said. "This city will be a majority African-American city. It's the way God wants it to be."

I don't have a problem with free speech. In fact, I think it's a wonderful thing. However, I must ask myself "Do we really have freedom of speech?"

The answer is "No, we don't."

Why do I say this? Well... think about it this way. What would happen if a white mayor said "This city will be bleach white at the end of the day. This city will be majority white city. It's the way God wants it to be."?

Holy crap... I can hear the media uproar in my head. I can see the NAACP crying their hearts out to get this white mayor fired. People from all over this nation would rise up and speak out against this "racist" man.

If we're going to have equality in this country... then we need to treat everyone equal. A white mayor would've been booted from his position as mayor if he would've said something like that... therefore... if we're going to treat everyone equal then Ray Nagin should be booted from his office.

I can't stand this whole "race issue". There isn't an issue to be concerned about. Blacks in this country have every (well... more) opportunity a white person does. People complain that black people aren't getting into schools because of racism. Well... shouldn't we find out how many black people applied? I think that might be an important bit of information. If the majority of blacks are not accepted into college, then I will concede my point. However, I highly doubt this is the case.

You can't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

I'm sick and tired of all this talk of racism. Let it go. I'm sorry that my great great great grand-pappy Smith enslaved your great great great grand-pappy Mwalimu.
But that was a long time ago. It's time to move on.

Yummy Food

Uh oh...

I think I made a mistake.

I ate at Freebirds tonight.

Don't get me wrong, eating a Freebirds Burrito isn't a mistake... but this burrito didn't taste right to me. I can't really explain it... but there was something about it that told me "Nathan, you should not eat this."

However, I ate it anyway.

Now... I've had food poisoning twice. (both from Toxic Hell... I mean Taco Bell)
Both times it started out the same.

First, I have a slight pain in my stomach... which feels like a bit of gas.
Next, I start farting about once every five minutes... which smells like a rotting carcus.
The stomach ache progressively gets worse until it feels as if I were punched in the stomach.
This pain gets worse and worse until I end up puking... and this isn't normal puke. This is projectile puke that smells and tastes extremely awful.
Then I'll fall asleep... only to awake in a few hours with diarrhea... which smells so bad I'll puke again.
Then I'll go back to sleep... and remain asleep for the majority of the next day and half of the day after that.

Right now, I'm at the point to where the stomach ache is progressively getting worse. (except the farts don't smell too bad)

Hopefully this is a false alarm and I won't be sick. I can't be sick. I must go to school tomorrow. I have several tests coming up and I can't miss any days between now and then.

I'll let all you know if this was a false alarm, or if it turns out to be food poisoning again.

Who knows... maybe I just need to take a big, fat, steamy, healthy dump. Maybe that will solve my problems.

I Made a Mistake

I made a huge mistake earlier today.

That's right... I listened to the Spice Girls... and now one of their stupid songs in stuck in my head.
"If you wanna be my lover... blah blah blah".

MAKE IT STOP!!!

What was I thinking?

I must now ask for recommendations for good music to listen to.

The Truth?

I know that I said I'd make a post about smoker-discrimination over the Christmas break... but Guild Wars captivated me so I never got around to making the post. However, this isn't the discrimination post that I'm going to make... it's just another rant.

Anyways... I turned on the TV the other day whilst I was enjoying my lunch... then I became extremely offended by one of those damn truth commercials. (The one I'm talking about can be viewed here.)

I've been offended by these stupid commercials before... but this one really got to me.

First off... in case ya'll didn't (want to)watch the commercial... it starts off with a cowboy (The Marlboro Man) riding his horse down a New York City street while a bunch of cows meander their way down the street.
The speaker informs us all of the unknown fact that cigarette smoke contains methane gas... as does a cow's ass. The speaker ends the commercial by saying "So maybe the Marlboro man would be more comfortable... riding a cow."

As a smoker... the message I received from this discriminating commercial is that smokers are so stupid for smoking that we may as well suck on cow farts.

There are many reasons I have issues with this commercial.

The biggest issue is that thetruth.com act as if we smokers didn't know that smoking is bad for us. Yes... it's bad for us. We know this. We just don't care. That doesn't necessarily make us stupid. To put it in better words... here's a quote from South Park (episode 713 "Butt Out") "[Speaking about the Surgeon General's warning on cigarette packs] "So now everyone knows the dangers of smoking and some people still choose to do it and we believe that's what being an American is all about."
We are all aware of the dangers of smoking... showing these hate-commercials on tv is not going to make us any more aware of the dangers. We've heard it all before... many times.

Another reason I have a problem with this commercial is that the speaker doesn't mention how much methane cigarette smoke contains. The way the speaker announces it he acts as if cigarette smoke is nothing but methane gas (otherwise he wouldn't say that smokers should suck on cow asses). I don't have the time now to research all this... so I don't know exactly how much methane is in the smoke of one cigarette... but I do know that it's much less than what a cow's ass produces throughout a day.

Maybe if truth.com wanted to actually tell the truth... they would tell us how much methane is in a cigarette then tell us how many we'd have to smoke for it to really matter.

Damn... I wish I wasn't so tired... I really want to finish this.
Oh well... I'll stop for now.

All I'm really trying to say is that truth.com is near the top of my list of peoples who discriminate smokers through their hate-speach.

I'd like to see what would happen if someone made a commercial that says something like "Fact: Black people like fried chicken, collard greens, malt liquor and watermelons." Then I'd like to see how long it would take for the people in this country to jump all over it.

What a great country... you can legally mutilate your baby but you can't legally smoke inside public buildings.